Tuesday, February 9, 2010

God Speed White Wolf


2 years ago in the wee hours of the morning of February 10, I lost a very important person in my life...my Dad. He was my go to guy for support no matter what the problem.
That Christmas I debated about going home. I really didn't have the money but something kept telling me you need to go. So I did. My sister who lives in Georgia was able to come too so we were all home. We took a picture because we don't all get home every year not knowing it would be the last one with my Dad in it. When it was time to come back to Houston and we were saying our goodbyes, I knew in my heart that this would be the last Christmas we would spend together. I hugged him and told him that I loved him.
In January my neice had her first baby. The day they took the baby out to my Dad's house to introduce her to her great grandpa an eagle landed in one of the trees in the front yard. I know you are thinking so what? Well my Dad was really fasinated by Native American lore and the eagle is a very sacred being. The eagle is believed to help the Shaman on his journey to the land of the Gods. In all of the years that I lived in Iowa I have never seen one single eagle. Within 3 weeks I got a call from my sister saying that Daddy was in the hospital and they really didn't know what was wrong. I told her to keep me up to date and after hanging up the phone got the most powerful feeling that I had to go home now.
I got a flight and when I got to Iowa went directly to the hospital. He was in Intensive Care but was doing pretty good. He recognized me and that made me feel good. I stayed for a while then went to his house for the night.
The next day he was ok but I don't think he recognized anyone. He was "fixing" things. To this day I don't know what he was fixing but he would ask for a tool, use it and then give it back. He kept asking who that gray haired lady was looking in his room and there was no one in the doorway. I believe it was my Mom coming to let him know it was time. This went on for 2 days in which he did not sleep at all. Sunday February 9 he got so aggitated they put restraintes on his hands which really upset him. I had a really bad feeling that day and with the weather turning bad I decided to stay at the hospital that night. I went in to check on him and he was pleading with God to help him. I stayed and talked to him but I don't think he heard me. The last time I went in to see him, he was very calm. I went back to the family room and it seems like I had just found a half way comfortable spot when the nurse came rushing in saying his heart had stopped and they were giving him CPR. I had my feet up on a chair and I gave it a kick and ran into the ICU behind the nurse to wait outside his room hoping they could help him. After what seemed like a lifetime, the doctor came out and said they had been administering CPR for 15 minutes and had not gotten any response. I asked him if they would get him back what would his chances be and he said slim. I told the doctor let him go. After I made the phone calls that I had never wanted to make, they asked if I wanted to see him. I went into his room, sat in the chair next to the bed, held his hand and cried. He looked so peaceful and happy. I don't know how long I sat there. After my sister and brother-in-law got there I finally left the room.
He was always there when I needed someone to listen. He gave me my love of the land. He taught me how to depend on myself. He was a person I truly admired.
Daddy I miss you so much but rest well because I will take care of the rest of the family for you.

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